The Time Puck Knew too Much About Twilight
by eyesofgarnet
Summary: "You walked into a twelve year old girl's fist."  AU, also featuring the amazing Mike Chang


_I did this in a drabble meme over at puckrachel on LJ. _

_Just felt the need to repost it over here cause I had fun with it._

_This was the prompt:_

_(562): The back eye was caused by a twelve year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggressively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face and howled at the moon..._

* * *

The smell of brewing coffee beckoned Puck from his sleep. With his eyes still closed he stretched, wondering what damage he caused last night. The last thing he remembered was leaving the bar with Rachel and Mike, which could be a good thing or a bad thing in his eyes depending on who was making coffee in his kitchen. He'd been known to do some rather crazy shit when he was drunk. After the time he woke up in Kurt's bed (nothing happened everyone was just fucking with him), he wasn't surprised by anything he did after a night of drinking.

Puck pulled the covers away from his body, stretching again before attempting to open his eyes, knowing the bright lights coming through his window were going to make him regret it. As he began to open them however a shearing pain shot through his head. His right eye was open but he couldn't see anything out of his left eye expect darkness. He reached up but winced before even coming in contact with his skin, causing another shot of pain to race through him.

"What the fuck?" he shouted as he jumped out of bed and headed blindly towards the bathroom to inspect the damage.

He heard a giggle coming from the kitchen as he slammed the bathroom door closed behind him and attempted to open his left eye again. When he reached the mirror he could see that his eye was swollen shut and that he had a deep purple mark on the side of his face.

The giggling he had heard was suddenly behind him and he turned to see Rachel wearing nothing but one of his button down shirts and a huge smile on her face. In her hands were a large bag of ice and a cup of coffee. She handed them over to him, trying desperately to hold back her laughter.

"This is not fucking funny," he barked while stalking out of the bathroom and into the kitchen.

Rachel followed him, losing it as he fell down onto a chair at the table. Her laughter echoed in the large kitchen. She grasped the counter with one hand, trying to hold herself up, and held her side with the other.

"Oh, it's hilarious," Rachel said when she was finally able to gain control of herself. "You have no idea."

Puck rested his head back on the chair and placed the bag of ice on his head, wincing as the cold hit his skin. He could only begin to imagine what had happened last night to cause this. He had done some crazy shit in the past but never anything that left him with a black eye and Rachel Berry laughing her ass off at him. Though he did enjoy the fact that she was walking around in his shirt, at least something good happened last night.

"So what did I do?" Puck mumbled. He didn't want to give her another reason to laugh at him but he had to know. He was going to need to explain this to people when they saw him.

Rachel grabbed her cup of tea off of the counter and headed over to sit next to him. "You really don't remember?" She asked when he took the seat beside him.

"I wouldn't be asking if I did, Berry."

She began laughing again, louder than she had before.

"Stop laughing and just fucking tell me," he spat out, tossing the bag of ice onto the table and reaching for his coffee. "Did I walk into something?"

"Sort of," Rachel said between breaks in her laughter. "You walked into a twelve year old girl's fist."

Puck looked at her through his good eye waiting for a better explanation, knowing he wasn't going to be living this one down for a while. "After we left the bar last night we were walking home and Mike decided we should take a short cut past the movie theater. He wanted to make fun of all the people leaving the midnight showing of that Twilight movie. Honestly, I don't know why people would go see a movie at midnight about vampires falling in love with humans. The whole theory is completely impossible. First off vampires don't exist—"

"Rachel, get to the point."

She smiled at him before continuing. "Sorry! Well you saw this girl wearing a vampire costume and you felt the need to run up to her and scream _Team Jacob_ rather aggressively right in her face. Then you began to howl at the moon. When you stopped she punched you, quite a few times actually. Her mom had to pull her away before she kicked you in—well you know." Rachel giggled while she pointed down towards his crotch.

Puck groaned at the thought of a little girl punching him the face. He definitely wasn't going to live this down; at least there was no proof that a little girl did it. He could easily lie and tell everyone something else. He'd think about it later once the pain in his head subsided.

"Rachel!" Puck heard the Mike's voice yell from the front door. He didn't know why he ever gave that ass a spare key to his place. "Everyone's seen it. I just got it up on YouTube like an hour ago and sent it to everyone we know."

Mike entered the kitchen and froze when he saw a very pissed off Puck staring at him.

"YouTube?" Puck asked furiously. "You fucking got it on video?"

"Maybe?" Mike's voice was small. "I was bored, a little tipsy, and well I wanted to see if I could catch any of the crazies on video. You just ended up the star of the show. Well you and the little girl that kicked your ass."

"And her mom, don't forget," Rachel said butting in. "She saved his future children from being destroyed."

Puck growled, reaching for the bag of ice that was melting on the table. He chugged the remainder of his coffee and slammed the cup down hard on the table before placing the bag back on his head.

Rachel leaned over and kissed Puck on the cheek sweetly before getting up and heading into the living room with Mike to see their other friends had said about the video. She stopped and turned around to give him a wicked smile, a devious look appearing in her eyes. "I wouldn't be as worried as to what people think about a little girl punching you. I'd be more worried right now that people are going to know that you know what Team Jacob is and why it would piss off a little girl in a vampire costume."

"Whatever." Puck didn't even bother to look at her. "I have a little sister. I know shit."

"Noah, Sarah's five and all she cares about are Disney Princesses and Hannah Montana." Rachel said from her seat in the living room.

Puck debated on whether to stay there and listen to the reactions of Mike and Rachel reading the thousands of comments on YouTube that he was sure his video was getting, or just go back to bed and spend the rest of the day there.

"At least I got laid last night," Puck said to himself as a smirk grew on his face.

Rachel's laughter started to echo in the living room before he heard her voice call out to him again. "No you didn't," Rachel said in a sing-song voice. "You puked on me—"

"_Fuck_."

"After you explained the difference between Team Edward and Team Jacob to the dog."


End file.
